Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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