dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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