As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
