that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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