Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
