Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My vagina is officially offended.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
