They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
