i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
