Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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