Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
