Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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