I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We need to get me chipped asap
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
