i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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