No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
