I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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