so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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