it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
