So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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