oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
