Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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