Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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