This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
