I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
