WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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