Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
