wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my phone needs a breathalizer
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
