I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
