how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
