What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
