i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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