i jhust puked up my retainher.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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