she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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