dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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