my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
