She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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