remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
