haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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