i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
