I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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