Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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