I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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