And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
