sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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