I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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