some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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