Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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