So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
