i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
