Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
