hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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