i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
