I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
